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The Milk Test: A thought Experiment

By, Wendiann Alfieri

A satirical piece of a hypothetical way of How to tell if something from your childhood is not the way you remember it to be*

*For the purpose of this hypothetical, I’m going to be using a movie as the example of the thought process

Step 1:

Think of a movie you loved or watched a lot when you were younger, preferably one you haven’t thought about or seen in awhile

Step 2:

Picture someone asking you about this movie, let’s say your kid

Your child whose never seen this movie, asks you what is it about

Step 3:

pretend this kid is in front of you

And proceed to explain the basics of the premise to your 'kid'...

…out loud

And be honest

Step 4:

Be aware

listen carefully, really listen to the words you are speaking to yourself and if you were a kid hearing this for the first time, what would you think?

Step 5:


You’ve put this movie into perspective

On a scale of milk, where is this movie?

a) this is fresh

b)this is going to expire soon but still ingestable for now

c) Jeez, this is expired how long has it been in the fridge? Throw it out John, I'm heading to the store

d) what in the actual fuck this is orange juice in a milk carton how am I supposed to eat my lucky charms now it's floating in citrus

Step 6:

Proceed to possibly rethinking/reanalyzing your entire childhood

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