By, Wendiann Alfieri
These is a brief guide to how to deal with wendiann.
Of, course this is not all of it, as this is a pocket to-go guide
Wendi-translations
“When I was in (pilgrim)...”- your stuck listening to an insane story now
“What did you say?”- I probably didn’t hear you, my hearing is too selective sometimes
“What happened?”- I’m curious and don’t want to think about my own problems
“I overheard you say…”- yeah I was listening THEN
“Gremlins are fucking awful”- just like, run away from me, I will get mad and go on a tirade about Gizmo being the worst gremlin
“Hi!” (to strangers in stores)-Hey I don’t know how to or when the appropriate time is to make friends, please just say hi back and move along, do not engage, because I will say whatever's on my mind first even though your a stranger who just wants to buy some fruit in this store
“Mom?”- I don’t know what to do
“Where’s mom?”- I really don’t know what to do
“MEAH/BLEGH”(noises)- Its how I communicate when I’m startled or self conscious, speaking proper words isn’t always possible for me when startled
“AH FUCK”- Yes, I probably broke something that I can’t fix
“Hey wanna read what I wrote?”- I need some validation that my writing is good
What to do if I
- hiss at you- I’m mad at you, don’t bother me, you deserve someone polite to talk to instead
-Try to get you to watch les mis- just ask how long it is and say you got to be somewhere in an hour
-Hiccup- avoid me for at least fifteen minutes my hiccups are that annoying
- don’t wake up from a nap- yes, I’m breathing, but like it’s impossible to wake me up sometimes, I will nap wherever so keep that in mind if we’re going out somewhere
-Cracks knuckles- just sit there, you’ll get used to it
-Forgets what I’m saying mid-sentence- remind me quickly or I’ll never get back on track
-Whenever I hit my head by accident cause I’m clumsy- give up, my clumsiness returns from the dead at any given moment
-everytime I say the same story again- just let me know. I don’t make any promises that I won’t keep saying it anyway
-Break something- sigh. This is gonna happen a lot, so just sigh the first time I do, it puts you ahead of the pointless “Oh my god what did you break?” phase
WARNING: SIGNS OF A WENDI-RANT ARE IMPOSSIBLE TO NOTICE. JUST AVOID ASKING HER ANY PERSONAL QUESTIONS
IF YOU OR YOUR LOVED ONE LISTENS TO A WENDI-RANT, PLEASE TAKE PRECAUTION AS THE RANT WAS NOT LOGICAL AND CAME OUT OF NOWHERE.
DRINK SOME WATER, KEEPING HYDRATED AFTER ENDURING A WENDI-RANT IS VERY IMPORTANT. CONTACT YOUR DOCTOR ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO PRETEND TO BE DEAF, AS THAT’S THE ONLY WAY TO AVOID WENDI RANTING