My Thoughts
Updated: Feb 20, 2021
By, Wendiann Alfieri
this is a rant of mine, I started writing it down and couldn’t stop, and I am sharing it with you all so that you can learn from me, but I can also learn for you
Yes, this gets into sensitive but relevant topics, so be aware that before choosing to read
here we go
In life, there are many situations that are awkward and hard to handle. As a kid, you can be straightforward and ask your mom or dad for help, and if you were acting like an asshole people ignored it because you were “ just a kid” so the embarrassment was set to rest on your parents shoulders
A day approaches fast.
The day you turn 18, a celebration that you are finally an adult and your parents are no longer responsible for your fuck ups
That’s the thing
Now YOU are
YOU are supposed to handle yourself
Let’s be honest, it’s hard to get used to being a adult
Eventually you learn that you should’ve paid more attention in school, and then you learn school was teaching the wrong things
I remember the formula a^2 +b^2= c^2but I can’t tell you how to change a tire
I can tell you all about The Planet Neptune and how it’s rumored to rain diamonds, but I can’t tell you what to do when someone steals your identity
I can tell you about the great literary accomplishment “ The Divine Comedy”, but I can’t explain the Hell of Social security and the DMV
I know how to write a lab report, but if someone is choking or not breathing, I wouldn’t know how to (properly) do CPR or Heimlich
There’s things in life you never expect
Adult or not
as a semi fresh adult, I find it’s almost like sometimes the big things don’t bother me as much as they should because I am a very paranoid person who fears everything. So when big things hit, it’s almost like my brain is like “ oh yeah, worry #294629318, I knew this would happen”
Like with this pandemic
(Now this is the part where it gets more serious, as everyone has to be an adult in today’s world)
If I bought thirty rolls of toilet paper last February, my family would be like you don’t need that you’re being paranoid
Who knew that a month or two later people would be out for blood in stores for anything at that point that they could wipe their ass with.
At the time though it felt like
my paranoia made sense and all my questions and things to make sure of.
Nowadays, everyone is almost used to their own paranoia like I’ve become as of late
Those are things of nature hurling at us
what was once paranoia has become for some, a necessary instinct
our own Nature is changing as we grasp onto whatever we can not to lose our reassurances
The binds of our truth and responsibility are being cut
At the same time
I’ve heard opinions on this, how we are going to get through this
Two mindsets I’ve had are opposing but I still had them Nonetheless:
“You don’t need to force yourself to be stone
It’s ok to break a little
We all get it
We don’t need to pretend that things will be the same as before but we will be ok in the end”
The other side:
“We need to be strong and show this won’t shatter us we unite we don’t accept these injustices from others or ourselves we. Are. Going to be ok
The world will resume we are resilient this craziness will end”
For me, It’s not about where I stand with that, or even if I should, but it doesn’t matter because I don’t stand with that
I stand within that
I don’t want to lie to myself, or you, so here’s my perception:
Both mentalities are exhausting to me because it’s hard to find a middle ground. it’s easy to find a way to fit in comfortably and that is in desperation
we are desperate and regardless of mindsets aside, the idea of two mindsets with the same message (“we will be ok”) is lost as people fight about the details of disagreement, blind to the same purpose we all have which is to survive and be happy at peace
Picking one of those sides is not where I am anymore as my feelings have become more adaptive to my inner thoughts instead of inner ideas, not that either way is a bad thing, that’s just how I react
“Reality”has become our collective hallucination with a basis rooted in a understanding we have no right to pretend is always established as new threats pose and turmoil grows
There are lines drawn but they lie within each other like Russian nesting dolls
No matter your age, we all have to grow up in a sense , together,and follow new rules and guidelines, a new society, where details are more important to consider
The more and more the world is challenging us the more and more the little things count.
We are at the mercy of circumstances