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Updated: Feb 20, 2021

By, Wendiann Alfieri

***This is a piece that I don’t know why I wrote it I just started writing it

and so I figured why not share it here

because one thing about this piece is that it’s hard for me to read after I’ve written it and I WROTE the damn thing. It’s one That I wrote without direction

if your offended easily i would not read this

consider this your warning***

“If there’s ever a loophole in something you’ve set down the rules for, you haven’t laid down the law properly enough” that’s what she tells me as she takes a drag on her cigarette sitting down next to me. Her soul is tense and she may be staring at that cigarette but she won’t ever find an answer in it. “ you know,” she continues, “ I should have just left while I could. Now the thought that I can never ever escape escapes me” the wind is cool, blowing the smell of smoke right past me. “ He always says we are almost there to happiness. But this motherfucker. That soon I’ll be happy. That soon We will have something we both will love. Doesn’t he know,” she slams down her foot, the sound of her wet shoes, sqwoosh sqwoosh sqwoosh on this front porch stops now. “ But I never chose this. I never wanted this. No one wants this, to die, it’s painful it sucks the life out of me it makes me want to rip out the walls he painted around the world, it makes me want to scream!” She lets out a big sigh. She closes her eyes and whispers “ But I can’t let it go. I can’t. No matter how I try, cause we are here. We are here. Or at least he is. I’m here with you, you’re here with me. It’s a blessing that we are here and I can go to heaven. And I know he doesn’t hate me. I put him through his own hell you know, praying Only when I needed something. Now I’m dead but You think I’ll stop? No,” her voice is filled with the water of a thousand souls. The souls that keep jumping in to drown. Her hair is black as sin with her big blue eyes and a t shirt soaked through that advertised a burger shack. She is tapping her fingers onto her thighs. and shudders. The lights over head barely make her draw her head up. Her tears roll down her pale white cheeks, streaking the memories of mascara and eyeliner and she’s desperately trying to wipe off her face but she can’t. She puts her cigarette out. And she waits. I hate to be a bringer if bad news but this soul clearly doesn’t get it. But I’ll let her babble on if she needs to

Hours pass as she grows cold and aches and her voice is becoming lighter, thank god it was horrible to listen to her drone on and on. I’ve got other souls lined up and she’s just wasting my time

“ You know you can’t pass yet,” I say.

“ Why?”

“ Listen I let you have a cigarette but if your not gonna pass in the next few hours I gotta go back inside and help with the other admissions.”

I see her face break.

“ What do you mean?”

Her hands look gray and so does the rest of her

“ If someone doesn’t find your body soon you can’t pass”,

“ I don’t-“

“ I’m saying that if your not found soon your spot becomes open to someone else.”

Her eyes become dark.

“ You’ve got till noon tomorrow”

And we wait


I arise to hear her frantic voice. “ They found me!”

“ Ugh” I say as I sit up on the porch. I look down to where the water is and there is a child who sees her body, briefly before her body goes back under the water

“ That doesn’t cou-“


She screeches

“ Someone found my body,” she sounds ecstatic.

“ But it wasn’t a justice or a rescue or anything”

“ you said someone needs to find my body, they did. No other rules were in place”

My energy is sinking

“If there’s ever a loophole in something you’ve set down the rules for, you haven’t laid down the law properly enough” she says


I nod at her with some newfound respect. I get my keys out and open the cabin door

To flames and the smell of fear

“ what Where’s heaven I need to pass to heaven!” She is terrified

“ I never said you’d pass into heaven,”

I smile I feel my teeth nice and pointy.

“If there’s ever a loophole in something you’ve set down the rules for, you haven’t laid down the law properly enough” I say as I push her back inside. I gotta give her points I think to myself as I jump into the flames after her

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