Our Days Are Numbered

By, Wendiann Alfieri

This is one I wrote like two or three years ago. It’s not written well, in fact after I wrote it I didn’t even want to edit. Because no matter how people react to the topic this was One I couldn’t edit because I was so different when I wrote it. I believe that this was written based on emotions I don't even know how to categorize. If reading it over made ME, the author feel so gut wrenched well then I hope it makes you feel the same way, if it’s a worthy story anyway. Sometimes as a writer you have to take risks. If posting this is a risk then so be it. I hope it gives you, the reader, something to think about

**TRIGGER WARNING**

* this story involves suicide, but in no way did the author mean ro glorify or encourage suicide. If you are suicidal and need help please call 911 or a Suicide prevention hotline**

Title: Our Days Are Numbered

Missy: I couldn't wait for the world , I just wanted my day to come. My birthday had passed and I had turned 13 but I wanted my prize( for choosing) to come sooner than it was coming.

Sadie: when I got the email I was shocked. 12? This girl was 12? And she had chosen already? My manager had already said yes, and I knew as a musician that was just becoming popular, I should expect this. My mom had told me that children's last requests after choosing were often meeting their idol, and as a semi- popular artist I'd probably be getting a lot of these kinds of emails, I didn't believe her I really didn't want to believe her because I wrote music to stop this thing and didn't even consider I'd be on a kids last wishes list. But what could I do? Say no? It's a last request, I couldn't say no. It was morally wrong. And looking closely at the email I noticed something I didn't notice originally. She wanted to meet me the day before, at the meal. She wanted me to have a last meal with her. And my mistake, by now she was probably 13. Oh , god

Missy: my parents  were very different after I came home from school. I saw the look on their faces and knew that the school counselor must have called them to let them know I had chosen. I knew that, the counselor told me they'd have to call to tell my parents I was considering. But what they said I had to tell them myself was if I had sent in the application, and, that it was approved. Like my dad would say, " it's a done deal". I really felt sad , (a sad puppy as my mom would call it) having to tell them I sent in the form. But I didn't feel sad about actually doing it, I felt sad that I had to be the one to tell my parents. Besides that I was really happy. I'd finally be able to meet Sadie Sakins, my favorite songwriter! She was my idol with her bright pink hair and " screw you" attitude. And she'd be joining me and my family for a nice dinner and we could gossip all night long until it was time to go to sleep. It was my parents job for that part , specifically my dad, because my mom wouldn't be very capable of doing that. I also had a secret promise I made with god right after submitting my form...

Sadie: the next day after receiving the email, I confronted my manager. I walked up to his place, which was two miles away from me and my moms place, and arrived at seven am. We were supposed to meet at the studio at nine, but I thought I'd get a head start.  I had left a note for my mom so she wouldn't think I'd gone crazy again. But then again, maybe I have. He didn't notice me standing by the door when he walked out, of course, cause I was on the side where he wouldn't see me. But when I called out his name( Jones) he immediately turned around. " Sadie, what the fuck?" Cause me and my manager had that kind of relationship, it was none of that ," oh Sadie how nice to see you! What are you doing at my house at this early hour, may I ask?" bullshit. It was always , as expected , a "sadie , what the fuck?" , or a " Jones you fucking asshole".  I think anyone would have responded " Sadie what the fuck?" In this situation, though. So I replied in a way I knew would let him know something was seriously wrong.  " oh Jones my dear fellow, so lucky I caught you out here!"

" sadie what's wrong?"

" oh I was just in the neighborhood"

" okay, but why are you outside of my house at 7:30 in the morning?"

( I could tell at this point he was using a cautious tone)

" just out for a morning run!"

" in your Spiderman pajamas?"

" I may need a ride"

" Sadie I don't think your safe to take with ..."

" just let me get in the fucking car"

He nodded

Missy: it was the day after my I had told my parents. I had not told them what my last request was though, or that Sadie's manager had said yes. My mom didn't really approve of Sadie's music. Neither did my dad. But I was hoping that today , a brand new day, that I could tell them. No one mentioned my recent birthday or that I had sent the form a couple months before, along with the last request that me and my counselor had sent to Sadie's manager. But of course, as the rules go, until the form is approved the last request can be neither denied or accepted. It was also known that last requests can't always be carried out, say if it's a crazy hard to achieve thing or if the person you want to meet says no. But I knew Sadie would say yes I just knew it! Or rather, her manager said yes. What if Sadie said no? No, she wouldn't say no, would she?  My nerves got really high but eventually I told my parents. Their complacent smiles were all I needed to feel better. But none of that mattered as long as god could fulfill my one selfish request for my soul: to fly.

Sadie: we were oddly, or not so oddly considering the situation, quiet on the way to the studio , our usual meeting place. When we arrived we went to our usual meeting spot , my mom was already there. " Hi Jones! How are you today? Gosh, work was so busy yesterday, so many requests to try and fulfill! Speaking of requests, Sadie here tells me she got your email about Missy, which is why we're here , so let's get to it!"

" Ms. Sakins, Sadie showed up at my house and demanded a ride. I think this takes precedence"

Me and my mom got quiet. Jones was never this polite to anyone. The meeting consisted mostly of Jones and mom discussing when the last time I talked to my psychiatrist was, how I had been doing so much better, then my mom said something utterly horrible to me,( but with today's society it was by no means horrible), she said this, and I quote, " Sadie , if you'd applied at sixteen like the doctor suggested, you could have been happy"

At this point , I flipped. She knew my position on that, I didn't agree with it. She knew how hard I had worked to become twenty - three years old , and she knew I knew perfectly well the last possible year to apply was sixteen. But I got up and threw a fIt. " How could you say that to me? How? If I'd applied, what would've happened? You would've tried to get me a great last request? And then I'd go to sleep? You know as the only living parent you'd have to do that! Dad isn't here anymore! What, if I'd applied you would have gotten a do over? Start a new family and life after having lost everyone?"

Mom got condescendingly quiet.

" You know, I don't understand why you're so against it. Don't you realize accepting this last request from this Missy child is supporting it?"

The next few seconds consisted of a glaring contest.

" Sadie..." Jones trailed off.

" Well then. Are you going to accept it, or are you going to deny it because of your... beliefs?" My mom said giving me an ultimatum.

" Yes, I accept it" I said, no hesitation required

As much as I didn't agree with choosing, I wouldn't ever deny this poor child a dream come true, I just had to work on making it a good one.

" Jones, I have an idea"

" what is it , Sadie?"

" what about a farewell concert?"

" like a big one?"

" no, a private concert. With songs written for this girl"

" But we don't know this child," That was my mom

" Trust me mom, I don't have to know her to understand how painful this must be for her"

My mom made a " hmmph" sound

Missy: I had the date marked in my calendar . Two months from today was the day. April 13th. Huh. Some people think thirteen is an unlucky number, but it's lucky to me! Finally one day I can be free, and that day was two months away. But I could feel the doubt creeping in. I know , though, that the counselor said this was normal, and yes, I knew there's no going back from an application. But what was important to me was getting some , as the counselor called it, " final closure" (whatever that means) with my friends. Not that I had many in the first place. It was required that I go to school up until the last two weeks of my time here. The counselor said it was important to get an education even if I didn't think I needed it because who knows what will happen on the other side. I was also required to go to a doctor to assess if I was healthy enough to make my own decisions, both mentally and physically. They are called Last Time Doctors. Or LTDs, and many kids at my school liked to joke about how it sounds like STDs. My parents weren't too happy when I learned all about that sex stuff when I was nine , they said nine was too young an age to learn all this and back in their day yadda yadda yadda. My school said it was important to learn this stuff at a young age since the world was very dangerous back in the day and that people had learned from their mistakes by not teaching their children about stranger danger. But anyway, that day was a strange day, because after I got dressed for my first day back to school as an " Official" or as the kids called it, " Officially Gone"  , I felt weird. I knew people would probably know by then, even though I hadn't told any friends, I thought everyone already knew because Jackie Jeggs saw me come out of the counselors office after school. The counselors usually pick a time to meet with applicants after school, particularly on a day when there aren't any other kids around, they try to keep it very private, they thought it was important that us applicants would tell people on our own agenda. But there's t