A tour, if you will

Updated: Feb 20, 2021

By, Wendiann Alfieri This has themes regarding ideas of what the after life is like in hell. If you Are offended by this don’t read this Then


“ HELLO STAFF FROM HEAVEN. SATANS ASSISTANTS WILL BE OUT TO GREET YOU MOMENTARILY!”

( static)

“ Damn, is this another of his ideas? A theme park? Really? What about the drive in movie theater we approved?”

“ Oh that was a nightmare.. I’ve heard that he wants to retry that idea...”

“ No fucking way, really?”

( CREAK of the gates as they opened and what was called “the idea proposal team” from heaven entered. It was hard not to audibly gasp. Hell was beautiful. It was always also frightening. But Satan fixed up the place. The sky was white not red. Flames were only in lanterns. Souls were working on planting Blood flower seeds, others were in the “ barn” taking care of demon eggs as well as pregnant demons and souls. A group of children were playing a game with dice that were actually teeth)

“ Wow look at the ground! The ground it’s grass! How-“

“ We got an approval for the budget”

A voice booms

The group turns around to see Satan in a tank top and shorts holding a drink.

“ Do you want some? It’s a fresh blend of the heart-infused grass on the ground. We need more blood donors to make it grow everywhere though. Anyhow, follow me friends! I’ll give you the tour,” Satan sounds proud.

“ Over here are the huts, where demon and soul families live. We had an uproar between demons and souls and now they are all accepting of each other,”

Satan features to a blue hut with a little girl holding a voodoo doll.

“This, this is where I live. I want you to meet my daughter, her name is Spleen. Her mother chose the name, I wanted her to be named Artery, cause her mom is Cardia,” Satan smiles as he sees his wife come out of the hut.

“ Hi babe!

“ Hi Stan, how are- oh Spleen! I told you not to mess with voodoo dolls! Even your father wouldn’t mess with a voodoo doll at your age, your too YOUNG!”Cardia reprimands her daughter.

“ Okay now let’s move on, as you can see on the right over here is the nursery. We get a lot of pregnant souls here as well as pregnant demons. We take care of the babies, but there’s not enough fire ants to crush up and bottle feed them,” Satan looks at the team.

“ Now, the older souls, they have their own bar they can go to, I go there all the time it’s great,”

The approval team is writing down notes.

“ What about the plumbing system?”

A team member asks

Satan says sadly, “ There is no more plumbing unfortunately. A demon laid an egg in a bathroom and didn’t realize till she flushed it down. Poor thing.”

A pause

“ Satan are you telling me that the egg clogged everything?”

Satan pauses.

“ Oh no no no, the demon hatched in the plumbing system and we can’t get him out. His mother has been writing to him and sending food so he’s ok, for now”

They continue the tour, the violet grass and organ shaped flowers are everywhere. As they move along, Satan finally leads them to another gate.

“ Now THIS THIS is what I need approval for,” Satan is hyped up with anxiety and anticipation.

Satan goes to the lock in the gate and uses his pointy tail to unlock it.

The team enters.

It’s a water park.... of sorts. The sky almost looked like earths, and even though no one was around everything was running

A wave pool, a seismic wave pool, a water slide into a black hole pool, an area for children to play with water guns and some mini slides

There was rides too. A realistic River that re created the sense of being in the rapids. It was all calculated and the water was red in most parts except the “rapids experience”

The team looks at each other.

The leader steps forward.

“ Listen, Satan,” he starts

“ No no, call me Stan!”

“ Ok then... Stan...”

Satan smiles

“ We can’t fund this. We know the idea is here but we can’t fund another idea flop. Do you know how much trouble your restaurant was?”

“ Oh that was nothing that explosion was nothing new, the demon child in the plumbing system sometimes throws tantrums,” Satan shakes his head.

“ We know you’ve been changing hell for the better. But we simply cannot have another restaurant incident, or drive in movie incident, or that safety class- where you brought in a chainsaw to show them how to use it properly”

“ but that was nothing!!” Satan exclaims.

“ Do you know how many demons children showed up dressed Like you with a chainsaw to go dimension- treating for halloween? It was a huge mess. And don’t get me started on the ice cream truck massacre,” the leader sighs

“ We came here as a formality Satan. This park will never exist” the leader says. And just like that the water park illusion disappears and they are outside by the gate.

“ The reality is, this is hell”

Satan hisses under his breath.

“ Stan, You can’t change the past or what this place is for. You can make it as happy as you can, but you can’t ignore the fact that the water might be blood or that the children’s rides are made out of bones,”

The team turns and just like that they leave.

Curiously enough, a Demon approaches Satan with a letter in an envelope that is brimming with light

Satan reads it, and turns around to his people, looking at him with anticipation.

“ No water park funding. But I think I got something better”

Satan whips out the key to the mortal world

“ This letter I hold is holy. This key is temporary. They approved to help fix the plumbing but need us to evacuate For a day. but this key leads to a an area reserved for us that we Can go to while they work”

“ WE CAN GO FREE! FOR A NIGHT, THE WORLD IS OURS!!!”

The souls and demons held their breath.

“ THIS KEY IS TO THE MORTAL WORLD! KEEPING THE PEACE IS IMPORTANT IN HELL. BUT WE ARE HERE BECAUSE WE SCREWED UP ON EARTH. TODAY WE SHALL RISE, AND HAVE SOME FUN!”

The farmers cheered as well as the people emerging from the huts.

Spleen runs over to her father and looks up at him with her sharp teeth, smiling and proud of her father. Cardia joined them and everyone went to the gates cheering to be able to let loose again.

Later in the night all the souls were on earth. But instead of terror, they gathered together in the Grand Canyon, loving it.

Spleen is sitting on her fathers lap while the demons and souls party hard down in the canyon. His legs are on the edge, dangling, his tail behind him and Cardia next to him her head laying on his shoulder.

“ Stan?” Cardia asked.

“ Yes babe?”

“ I love you. Even though the world may not see you’ve changed but I do. And just keep at it hun. You’ll prove you can be reformed. I know how hard the early days were. But even the most evil of beings has some light”

Satan kisses his wife and spleen starts laughing and they all watch the sunset over the Grand Canyon as demons sit down and chat while laying down and having picnics with their families.

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